Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
