just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
