His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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