You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
