it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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