it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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