my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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