I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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