I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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