This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
