Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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