I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
