I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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