If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
