I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
