i just wanna soil my oats bro
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
