The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
