i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
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If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy