Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.

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(650): I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now. http://tfl.nu/zi6o

Replies (16) Good night (1607) Bad night (765)
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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149

Replies (75) Good night (1339) Bad night (5205)
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(518): View more from New York

and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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(518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl

Replies (30) Good night (2473) Bad night (7972)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

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(314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u

Replies (12) Good night (4685) Bad night (945)
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(+54): View more from

look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.

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(+54): look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels. http://tfl.nu/ux1z

Replies (11) Good night (7302) Bad night (998)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!

(1-330): View more from Ohio

is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?

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(330): I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam! (1-330): is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar? http://tfl.nu/c4pf

Replies (5) Good night (3986) Bad night (1320)
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(347): View more from New York

She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her

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(347): She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her http://tfl.nu/h5zu

Replies (10) Good night (4599) Bad night (1011)
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(419): View more from Ohio

I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.

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(419): I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home. http://tfl.nu/9c0m

Replies (4) Good night (1110) Bad night (2106)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.

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(307): I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head. http://tfl.nu/1su5

Replies (2) Good night (1024) Bad night (988)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.

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(508): All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears. http://tfl.nu/qmop

Replies (15) Good night (702) Bad night (1301)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.

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(910): We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew. http://tfl.nu/c4a7

Replies (4) Good night (1294) Bad night (901)
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(773): View more from Illinois

If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar

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(773): If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar http://tfl.nu/xi33

Replies (2) Good night (642) Bad night (267)
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(339): View more from Massachusetts

I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?

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(339): I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party? http://tfl.nu/m45s

Replies (0) Good night (606) Bad night (272)
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(718): View more from New York

I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum

(424): View more from California

please don't

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(718): I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum (424): please don't http://tfl.nu/rfty

Replies (4) Good night (268) Bad night (494)
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(315): View more from New York

He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick

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(315): He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick http://tfl.nu/ogpi

Replies (5) Good night (285) Bad night (464)

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