Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises