Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter