Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
