Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
