i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush