I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
