Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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