Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
