He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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