Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
