nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
