The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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