he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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