I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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