why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
