You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
