I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
