I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
