its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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