So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize