Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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