oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
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