I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
