if i can run in heels then i can drive
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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