youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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