my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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