Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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