when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
