He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Of course I have a pirate flag
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
