Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
