Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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