ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
