i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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