I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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