I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
