He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
