She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
