I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
