That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
