I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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