So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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