mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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