literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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