I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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