WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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