Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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