really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
