If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
