My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
