this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
