I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
