Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
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Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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