I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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